My mother and I are going to my brother’s wedding up in Idaho this weekend (we live in Missouri). We are flying into Vegas and driving up for the wedding.
My question is two part. First, we already spent over $300 each on our plane tickets (cheaper to fly to Vegas from here than Boise) plus hotel room and can’t afford to give a gift also. Would it be in poor taste if we really can’t get them a gift?
Also, since we were invited to the wedding and reception but have not been invited to the rehearsal dinner, should we assume that we are not invited or assume that we are? Not sure what the etiquette on this is.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
We are looking forward to seeing my brother get married but I feel bad that I really can’t get him anything.
F.Y.I. I was supposed to perform the ceremony but the bride changed her mind. That was going to be my wedding gift to them.
Thanks all!!
Thanks all, I appreciate the feedback, especially from Momsie and Jessica. What part of Idaho Jessica? It’s very pretty up there. I love the Snake River.
Thanks again!!
Asked by:kssmygrits@prodigy.net
i don’t think your brother will be upset if you don’t get him a present. but if you feel bad, get a card and tell him (privately) that you’ll get him something later and mail it to him when you have money.
about the rehersal dinner, it can’t hurt to ask. If you’re not invited the worst they can say is no.
In reference to the rehearsal dinner, I would assume you are not invited if you haven’t been expressly invited. However, if you really want an answer to your question, just ask. Call up the bride or groom or part of the wedding party and ask whether or not your attendance is requested. Its really the only way to know for sure.
Now, about the gift, it is poor taste to not get a wedding gift. I would not go without one. How about this for an idea. Get a white album or scrapbook, then form a compilation of recipes. Print out your favorite family recipes and use a three hole punch to put them in the scrapbook. Its incredibly cheap and it shouldn’t cost you more than $10. However, its full of thought. Gather recipes from other wedding guests and put them in the recipe book also. They’ll love it, and you’re not being rude by showing up with nothing. A wedding guest did this for me, and I loved it. I rave about it all the time.
Your brother will understand your financial circumstances. Don’t worry too much about it. You should, however, mark the event with a personal keepsake for him and his wife. You can write him a letter reminding him of stories from your childhood and shared memories (favorite toys, birthday parties, holidays, teachers, pets, etc.) and wishing him well. Even better if you can do something with photos.
I would much rather receive something like that from my brother than a gift card or a place setting.
Just a thought – does your mom have any family heirlooms that you could give them as a gift from the two of you? Something like silver or Grandma’s platter, or a piece of Grandma’s jewelry for the bride?
FIRST, PUT TOGETHER EVERYTHING VALUABLE TO BOTH OF YOU, SOMETHING LIKE A GIFT YOU SHARED OR A LEARNING EXPERIENCE YOU SHARED TOGETHER, AND PUT IT IN A COLLEAGUE, BE CREATIVE, AND WHEN ITS PRESENTED MAKE JOKES OF WHEAT EVER THE OBJECT IS, EXPLAIN THE IMPORTANCE OF IT.
FOR THE INVITE, HOW CLOSE IS YOU AND YOUR MOTHER TOO YOUR BROTHER, AND THAT SHOULD BE YOUR ANSWER,
get a second job
Well the rehearsal is really only for people who are a part of the wedding. immediate family is usually invited. but if you haven’t got a invite then i would assume not.
I do think that you should get a gift of some kind. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive.
Buy a small gift, like a remembrance crystal paperweight, and wrap it nicely with a note inside saying you will send a larger gift soon.
My husband’s aunt gave us a recipe book she typed and bounded using recipes from his mom, other aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, etc. I still use the recipe book and we’ve been married almost 16 years. You could very easly do this and will probably get lots of help from your family as far as collecting recipes. If you have an office supply store or a print shop nearby, you can bring the recipes to be bound. Be creative and it could be a great gift they’ll use for a long time. And they’ll always remember it came from you. Honestly, who ever remembers who gave them all those pieces of china.
Re: Rehearsal Dinner; Ask your Brother as what kind of dress you should bring for the Rehearsal Dinner. His answer will tell you what you need to know. OK?
Re: Wedding Gift; 1.)You and your Mom can do the “Thank You” Cards for them, i.e. address the envelopes, write the Gift Name e.g. the Blender, Toaster, etc.inside, so that all they have to do is sign them and give you the money for the stamps, then you mail them out for them or 2.) You and your Mom can totally clean their house for them, so that when they come back from their Honeymoon they won’t have to do a thing or 3.) If you or your Mom sew, you can make curtains for their Kitchen and Bath from Fabric that the Bride has already gotten, but doesn’t know how to sew. These are just a few fun suggestions.
Have fun at the Wedding!
what if get him a present after the wedding
Hmmm…about the rehearsal dinner, you should ask someone (parent, or your brother).
About the gift, make him something or buy something small at a gift store for like 10 bucks…there are some nice little trinkets things that don’t cost a lot. In a similar situation I bought a vase and wind chimes. Good luck!
You SHOULD have been invited to the rehersal dinner. All out of town guests and immediate family are to be invited to this event. It was incredibly rude that you were not sent an invitation or at least invited by phone call. Do not ask about it…you will only put the bride and groom in an uncomfortable situation. If they made a mistake (which I doubt) and did not send you an invite or call you, it is their loss that you will not be there. Usually you have to RSVP to these events so I am sure that they sent out an invitation. It sounds like the bride may have cut you out of the rehersal dinner. Just be very nice and don’t act like you are upset about this. Remember that it is their wedding.
As for a gift, you technically have a year to give the bride and groom a gift.
An inexpensive idea is to take a camera with you and snap lots of pictures and make them a scrap book with captions. I made one for my mom in law when she married for the 2nd time. She and her friends like to drink so I made the scrapbook with pictures of the couple and the guests and added funny captions. She and her husband loved it.
Picture frames or photo books for the couple’s wedding pictures also make great inexpensive wedding gifts.
You have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift….not the card, tho…that should be at the reception.
traditionally the rehearsal dinner is for members of the bridal party, their signif others, and both sets of parents..if you have not been invited, do not asume you are invited.
Good luck.
Personal note – I am from Idaho! Anyway. I personally think that flying in is a big present in the first place. I know I would understand that as a bride. Get them a nice card congratulating them on their wedding. Privately explain things to your brother some other time. If you want, perhaps on their one year anniversary you could get them a little something as a late “wedding present.” You could also make something like a scrapbook, collage, write a poem and buy an inexpensive frame to put it in, recipe box, offer to help them decorate the reception place or church, etc.
As for the rehersal dinner, I was always under the impression that parents, siblings, grandparents, and bridal party members were all invited so you definitely should be included.
Edit: I’m from Boise and it is horribly hot here right now so if you are coming to this part of the state bring cool clothes with you!! There is a lot of fun stuff to do so have fun wherever you are in the state.
Well you have a year to send a gift, so dont worry about it now. And if you really dont want to buy them something then come up with somthin you can do for them. Why not do somthing cute like even if its small go and decorate their room and leave them champagne and cocolate covered strawberries and a card. Even if the chanpage isnt super expensive and you dont spend more than $30total it is somthing they will REALLY appreciate and will remeber forever! If your not going to be able to get into their room talk with the conceiege at the hotel, in vegas they are great and I am sure someone there will be more than happy to set it all up while you are at the ceremony and reception.
Tell him you are short on money but will send a gift when you can – and do it. The rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party.
I like the scrap book idea. I dont know if you are into it, but if not you can go to hallmark and they have premade scrapbooks(I have even seen a wedding one) where you all you have to do is insert the pictures and it even gives you some space to add captions or dates and what not. Love the idea, just tell your brother that you are sending him something special after the wedding and he will see when he gets it. I want to say they run between $24 and $40 depending on the size. Not too bad and they can set it on the coffee table.
As for the rehersal dinner, maybe they just assumed you knew you were coming, when you get there you will know whether or not you are invited. It may be just very informal bbq where they didnt need a head count. Definatly bad manners to not send you a formal invite but feel it out when you get there.
On a side note, these days no one actually arrives with a present, they get sent to the house before or after the big day. so it wont look weird not walking in with a gift if that is what you are worried about.
well usually the moms are invited to the rehearsal but thats b/c they are part of the ceremony. You probably should’t go but its ok to ask if ur not sure. It’s always ok to do a gift card if u and ur mom go in together. If u and ur mom can each spare $20 the get a nicer thing that cost $40 and it be from both of u.